Supporting Autistic PDA Students Through a Collaborative Approach

Supporting Autistic PDA Students (Pathological Demand Avoidance) profile requires a fundamentally different approach from conventional educational models. PDA is a complex, anxiety-driven profile where the individual’s threat response perceives demands—even those that seem minor or routine—as threats to autonomy and safety. Traditional behaviour-based approaches that rely on compliance or reinforcement often increase distress, leading to withdrawal or escalation.

As an Autistic PDA adult and mother of Autistic children with a PDA profile, I’ve seen first-hand how a collaborative, neuroaffirmative approach can transform the learning experience for PDA students. When we shift from control-based strategies to ones based on trust, autonomy, and emotional safety, we open the door to meaningful engagement and long-term emotional resilience.

In this post, I’ll explore the core elements of a collaborative approach, based on the work of Ruth Fidler and Phil Christie, drawing on both lived experience and professional insights. The framework an adaptation of the Ruth Fidler and Phil Christie framework, centres on understanding the child’s underlying threat responses and building a relationship based on mutual trust and respect.

A Collaborative Framework for Supporting Autistic PDA Students

A successful approach to supporting Autistic PDA students is not about enforcing compliance; it’s about connection, meeting the child where they are, reducing perceived threat, and building engagement through connection and trust. This means creating an environment where the child feels safe enough to engage and has control over how they participate.

The collaborative model can be broken down into seven core principles:

1. Tune In and Take Notice

Before we can effectively support an Autistic child with a PDA profile, we need to understand their unique communication style, emotional landscape, and sensory processing needs. PDA is not about wilful defiance—it’s about anxiety and a threat response that perceives demands as threats, triggering a survival-based response.

I’ve seen this dynamic play out with my own child. When he was younger, I would try to follow a morning routine to get him ready for school. He would become distressed and avoidant, refusing to get dressed or eat breakfast. It wasn’t about “being difficult”—it was his anxiety interpreting the structured routine as a loss of autonomy. Once I stepped back and observed, I realised that he needed more time and choice in how the morning unfolded. By tuning in to his cues—his body language, tone of voice, and patterns of distress—I was able to adjust my approach to something that felt less overwhelming for him.

Tuning in means recognising that communication isn’t always verbal. What my tone of voice is saying, my body language, my facial expression, down to the exact words I have chosen and how I have chosen to say them. Resistance or withdrawal is often the child’s way of expressing that something feels unsafe or unmanageable. By slowing down, watching for patterns, and responding with curiosity rather than correction, we begin to build trust.

2. Collaborate, Don’t Control

Traditional approaches to behaviour management often rely on rewards and consequences to shape outcomes. For Autistic PDA students, these methods are counterproductive and traumatic because they heighten the sense of external control and escalate the child’s nervous system response. Collaboration & Connection —not compliance— are the key.

When I was young, I struggled with handwriting. Initially my teachers insisted that I practise using structured worksheets, but I would refuse, as it meant I would fail and not get things exactly right, I would become increasingly distressed. Instead of enforcing the demand, eventually my teacher would sit down with me and asked what would feel easier. I was able to say I liked drawing more than writing (I still do, it calms my nervous system and I feel very regulated whereas writing is tricky for me (dyspraxia), so we worked together to incorporate letter formation into my drawing time. The goal was the same (improving fine motor skills), but the method was personalised and negotiated.

Collaboration means involving the child in the decision-making process. Asking, “What feels easier?” or “How would you like to try this?” gives the child a sense of control and reduces the perception of threat. If the child isn’t able to tell you just yet, identify through collaboration with family and SNA support what works best for this child, what intrigues their interests etc.

3. Motivation Through Meaning

PDA children engage best when learning is tied to their passions and intrinsic interests. Forcing a child to engage with material they find irrelevant or uninteresting increases anxiety and avoidance. The key is to make learning meaningful by connecting it to what the child naturally loves, in a respectful non compliance based manner.

My youngest son has a passion for teddy bears. We used this passion to weave in other areas of learning—maths through counting teddy bears, reading through teddy-related stories. He was highly motivated because the content was meaningful to him and it was respectful in how his passions were weaved into the activities.

Interest-led learning builds confidence and reduces the sense of external control.

4. Gentle Guidance Over Direct Instruction

Children with a PDA profile often experience direct instructions as controlling or threatening, even when the request seems reasonable. The key is to reduce pressure and shift from instruction to suggestion.

Instead of saying, “Put your shoes on,” try, use strewing or declarative language instead. This subtle shift reduces the sense of demand and increases the child’s feeling of autonomy.

I’ve found that my children respond better when I phrase things using declarative language or where appropriate incorporate strewing as a technique. When my son was refusing to get his coat on, instead of saying, “You need to put your coat on,” I’d say, “Oh looks like it might rain” and at the same time leave the coat beside the door where he would exit to leave the house. This gives the child a sense of control without triggering the avoidance response.

Reducing directness also involves really considering the language choices you make and avoiding ambiguity.

5. Safety First, Learning Follows

Relational, emotional and sensory safety are the foundation for engagement. If a child feels overwhelmed, unsafe, or dysregulated, no amount of encouragement or reward will work.

When my son first started visiting his Aunties house, he struggled with the sensory environment—the noise, lighting, and children running around were overwhelming. His avoidance escalated to the point where he was refusing to visit when we would all visit. We worked with his Aunty to create a sensory-friendly plan—ear defenders, reduced lighting, and a quiet space to reset on entry and to retreat to when it got too much. Once his nervous system felt calmer, his engagement naturally increased.

Safety comes from feeling understood and supported. Sometimes this means reducing demands until the child’s nervous system is calm. A regulated child is more likely to engage, while an overwhelmed child is in survival mode and unable to learn.

6. Adapt and Evolve

Strategies that work one day might not work the next. Flexibility and ongoing adjustment are essential when supporting a PDA profile.

I’ve had days where my child was able to follow a structured learning task, and then the next day the same task led to avoidance and meltdown. That’s normal with PDA. The key is to remain reflective, flexible and adapt to the child’s changing emotional state.

Reviewing strategies regularly, involving the child in feedback, and adjusting to their capacity helps maintain trust and avoid task refusal.

7. Empower Through Understanding

The ultimate goal is not to create compliance but to empower the child to understand and communicate their needs. Emotional regulation, self-advocacy, and confidence grow when the child feels respected and understood.

My son now knows that he can say, “I’m afraid” or “I am scared”. Teaching him to recognise his internal states and express them without fear of consequence has been transformative.

Empowerment comes from feeling safe enough to say “no” without fear of punishment. It’s about helping the child to understand that their feelings are valid and that they have a right to communicate their boundaries.

Supporting Autistic PDA Students Through a Collaborative Approach

Supporting Autistic PDA students requires a shift from traditional compliance-based strategies to a collaborative, trust-based model. By tuning in, collaborating, and following the child’s lead, we build an environment where learning feels safe and meaningful.

Through lived experience, I’ve learned that the most effective support isn’t about getting the child to comply—it’s about building trust and co-creating a path that feels safe and engaging. A regulated, empowered child is more likely to engage with learning and life on their own terms. That is the true foundation of meaningful progress.

Supporting Autistic PDA Students References:

• Christie, P., Duncan, M., Fidler, R. and Healy, Z. (2012). Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome in Children: A Guide for Parents, Teachers and Other Professionals. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

• Fidler, R. and Christie, P. (2019). Collaborative Approaches to Learning for Pupils with PDA: Strategies for Education Professionals. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

• Truman, C. (2021). The Teacher’s Introduction to Pathological Demand Avoidance: Essential Strategies for the Classroom. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

• Fricker, E. (2021). The Family Experience of PDA: An Illustrated Guide to Pathological Demand Avoidance. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

• Cat, S. (2018). Pathological Demand Avoidance Explained. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

• Eaton, J. (2017). A Guide to Mental Health Issues in Girls and Young Women on the Autism Spectrum: Diagnosis, Intervention and Family Support. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

• Newson, E. (2003). Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome: A Necessary Distinction within the Pervasive Developmental Disorders. Archives of Disease in Childhood, 88(7), pp. 595–600.