I’m glad I don’t have Autism.

When I think of Conor and the future I try to think not too far ahead, thinking instead of small steps of progress. I am always hopeful of the future but not of my breaking heart. When I think of what may lie ahead I feel a lump in my throat, anxiety jumps around inside my stomach as if he were on a trampoline, my heart starts to feel a sort of fragile pain almost like a whispering wind whirling around it, usually at this point my mind supersedes my frail heart helping me to focus on something else more present like what I am doing at that particular instant. That is how I cope with all that raising a child with Special Needs brings, don’t look too far ahead, focus on the here, the now.

Big sister

When your daughter asks repeatedly when her little brother is going to talk, or that she can’t wait until he can so she has someone to talk to it is like a knife to the heart cutting jaggedly at each tiny piece falling away. She has every right to wonder, to want an answer & to be hopeful. I can see how it plays on her mind, she is accepting of what is, but still wonders why/when he will talk, why he has autism, why he can’t go to the same school with her, why her brother is different to her friend’s brothers.

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